Daddy/Daughter Dance

The following is a taste of the chaos in the house as my husband, Bruce, and daughter, Barbra, and  granddaughter, Ava, and her father, Mark, readied for the annual Daddy/Daughter Dance. Since I'm the mama, I mostly sat back, watched and took notes. Welcome to our world:

Ava: Mom, my shoes are too little.
Barbra: What are you talking about?  We just got them a few months ago.
Ava: No, we didn't.  We got them last year.
Barbra: Well, wear your gold ones. They're in the garage.
Ava:  They're even smaller, the gold is all worn off the toes and they're spiders in them!
Grampy:  I'm sure the spiders won't mind the company of a few of your little toes.
(Ignoring him) Barbra: Ask your father if we can stop at the shoe store on the way to the dance.
Mark: We're not stopping at any shoe store.  We don't have time.
Grampy: Ava, just wear your formal flip-flops.
(Ignoring him) Barbra: Sorry, but you'll have to wear what you've got. Where's the blister cream.
Mark: She can't wear her shoes and get blisters.
Barbra: That's what the blister cream is for, so she won't get blisters. Duh.
Ava: I can't find it.
Barbra: Then find some other kind of grease.  Where's the anti-biotic ointment?  If you get a blister, at least it won't get infected.
Mark: Nice.
Ava: I can't find that either.
Barbra: Then use Vicks VapoRub.
Ava: I can't use that.  It stinks.
Mark: Where are my pants?
Barbra: I told you six weeks ago about this dance.  You had six weeks to find them.
Mark: They must be at the cleaners.  I'll have to wear the black ones.
Barbra: Are you kidding me?  Black pants, shirt and jacket?  You'll look like Johnny cash.
Mark:  I like Johnny Cash.
Ava: Daddy, where's your tie?
Barbra: He's going as Johnny Cash and Johnny doesn't wear a tie.
Ava: Who's Johnny Cash?
Barbra:  You can't wear all black.  My dress is orange and we'll look like Halloween!
Grampy: Who cares.  You'll never see these people again.
Ava: I rubbed my feet with Vics.  Now my shoes won't stay on.
Barbra: Hold them on with rubber bands. They won't show that much.  Can you wiggle your toes?
Ava: No.
Barbra: Well, we probably won't do that much dancing, anyway.  As long as you can walk from the car to the table, you should be fine.
Ava: (emitting a great whine) Mom!
Barbra: Why did you feed me so much? Three full meals today, Mark. Really? Thanks a lot. How do you expect me to fit into my dress? Oh, I should have exercised today, but I overdid it yesterday. Now I can't move my calves. I have to walk around on weggies with my knees bent.  Nice, huh? If I break an ankle...
(ignoring her) Mark:  Where's more hairspray? We're out of hairspray!
Grammy: You can use mine.
Mark: What is this? A spritzer?  Who buys spritzer hairspray?  I need an aerosol.
Grammy: Did you pick up the wrong jacket at the cleaners when you forgot your pants? You look like you're wearing your dad's coat.
Mark: What's wrong with my coat?
Grammy: The sleeves are too long. They're suppose to only go to--
Barbra: Mom, don't start.
Grammy: Time for pictures!