December 22, 2011

Annual Holiday Letter 2011

My Own Dear Friends,

Since our lives on Amelia Island, Florida are chockfull of dubious delights, artificial adventures and loony-bin hilarity, we want to share just a part. Here goes:

Father works in a factory. A rat fell from the ceiling onto his shoulder. Father became disgruntled when they changed brands of pencils. Management offered him a lateral transfer from white socks sock stretcher to black socks sock stretcher. He realizes this is an honor.

Daughter only run one marathon and three triathlons this year. She is 7/8 inches shorter than she was twelve months ago, using the excessive pounding on her feet, as the reason. The family knows better. She's just lazy.

Auntie Rantie took Lucky to the store and they never returned. We sure miss that dog.

Cousin Freddie is considering being either a lingerie model or a lady cab driver.

Son-in-law is much better now.

Father enjoys having his eyebrows licked by the cat while he watches the wrestling channel.

Mother's orange crop was abundant this season, but blemished because she used no pesticides. Embarrassed by their spots, under cover of darkness, she left a box on the church doorstep. Dreada, the nasty neighbor, saw the whole escapade, and is now blackmailing Mother. Her price? The use of our paperclips on demand. We wonder how long we can endure.

Son ate his finger.

Bird passed away and Father put him in the freezer until the ground thawed enough to dig a hole.

Granddaughter learned how to drink from the left side of the glass.

The cat, we'll call him Gleet, hacked-up a big one.

Father stubbed his toe and said, "Shucky darn!"

We had a frozen pizza on Wednesday.

The Atlantic Ocean is still in the same place.

Merry Christmas from Amelia Island

PS To find earlier Annual Holiday Letters from Our Family and to get a better understanding of our exotic lifestyle, visit

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