December 27, 2016

Annual Holiday Letter

It is time again to acquaint you all with the frolicking fancies which swirled around our Amelia Island family over the last twelve months.  If you are a regular visitor to this blog, you have come to expect the exciting,  grandiose and spectacular in these annual letters.  If not, may we suggest you sit down, lest you are overcome by the thrills our loved ones have experienced.  Steady yourself.  Here goes:
The cupboard door was left open.
Father won a trip for one to the North Pole.  The accommodations weren’t bad since the polar bear had just been fed.
A glop of something fell from the yellow pitcher into the glass of orange juice. 

The rats have moved out.  
In order to help with cleanup after a family dinner, Mother asked Son-in-Law where the dish cloth was.  “We use a sponge, but it smells funny,” he replied.  “You can use the pink one in the bathroom, on the floor by the toilet brush.”  Mother remembered Son-in-Law was a boy scout, so he’s always prepared.  
Sunday, there was no mail.
Daughter counted 37 glass ornaments on the Christmas tree and 18 gold plastic ice cycles.  With such acuity, she will either go into accounting or fishing line untangling.
The grass grew and tickled the dog’s bottom.
The new neighbors eat dinner.
The waves are wet.
The rug has a dark spot to the left of the  green-leafed easy chair .  Interrogations are on-going.
The streetlight burned out.
The family is changing Uncle Knuckle's nickname.  Since he shaved his back and now wears clothes, he doesn't look so much like a chimp. 

There are feathers in the blue pillow.

And so you have the details of another stupendous year in our lives.  May your future be filled with peace, harmony and issues not nearly as challenging as ours!  And please don't eat any more lint. Auntie Wanna's tongue is still stuck to her teeth because her mouth is so dry.
Happy New Year Everyone!!!

P.S.  Here are just a few of our Annual Letter reviews we have received over the years from fans.  We are especially proud of all the exclamation points folks have used to show their sincerity. Thank you all:

-What is the matter with you?  This is the dumbest &*^% I have ever read!!!
-Every body is royalty in some way.  You're the Queen of Stupid!
-You have wasted 30 seconds of my life!!!!!!!!