I’m always up for a challenge. This time it’s drinking from a straw. As you roll your eyes at my ineptness, let me continue. I am on a quest to have a sparkling smile, so sparkling, in fact, that a tiny star appears on my choppers in all my photographs, as it does on those of Gaston, the mean guy in the
Beauty and the Beast cartoon. While I am sufficiently in touch with reality to realize this ain’t gonna actually happen, my mission continues. To that end, I asked Santa for those dental whitening strips you leave on your teeth for thirty minutes. I must have been a pretty good little girl, last year, because he gave me a box. Not only have they worked, more mentally than actually, probably, but I get the added benefit of playing the part of a rabid dog any time I want as my lips overflow with the frothing product working its white magic. Additionally, I have toothpaste and mouthwash and gum, all of which are supposed to assist in this process.
Is this just another phase of my life, like knowing the Latin names of house plants, making stained glass, pouring candles, quilting, playing the spoons, etc? Certainly not. Why? Because this has to do with vanity. Let’s face it. If you’re a girl, it's a lifelong affliction. Enough said.
So back to the straw. I’ve heard how red wine, coffee, etc., stain your teeth. I have never been a coffee drinker until Bruce, my thoughtful husband, suggested I try a cup with French Vanilla creamer and a packet of sweetener. I was hooked after that. However, since it discolors my teeth and the fancy creamer makes me fat, I stopped drinking it for about six weeks. Then I heard something. Remember, if it’s on the news, in print or online, it’s true… Here it is: If you drink coffee and wine through a straw, it will bypass your teeth and they will remain pristine white. I don’t know about you, but I am unable to suck on a straw without the coffee filling my mouth and surrounding my teeth. No matter how far back in my mouth the straw is, coffee abounds. So the straw is out. Besides, all that puckering makes wrinkles around your lips and that will never do. I end this ramble because my coffee is gone and it’s time to swish with a whitening mouthwash. As someone once said, “Don’t hate me because I have a semi-brilliant smile.” Or something like that.
PS Oh, I almost forgot to mention that, as a public service announcement as part of the sometimes whacked world of Gracious Jane Marie, July is Find Your Favorite Tooth month- and the tooth has to be in your own mouth! I’m leaning toward my upper right incisor.
PPS These are the things that clog my mind...
I first heard a whinny, sharp and clear. I looked around for a horse pulling a tourist buggy. None in sight. My attention turned back to my book signing at Sea Jade, the best souvenir shop on Amelia Island, perhaps in the world, or so a passerby said. Then came a second whinny. This time, I thought it was, perhaps, a toy pony. I've seen such in magazines. "Realistic sound," the ad had read. Back to my books, again. A third whinny and then I saw it, a unicorn standing directly across from me, on Centre Street, in historic downtown Fernandina! How utterly sweet! They call her Rarity, a living version of the tiny horse from My Little Pony. She crossed the street, led by her owner from Savage Beast Farms in Fernandina Beach, Florida. Posing in front of my table of historical fiction books, it is the perfect fantasy come to life for a writer. Thank you for visiting, Rarity. You make everyone smile!
