December 30, 2010

(Dreaded) Annual Letter Is Back!

Yes, 2010 has been a hot and hootie, rootie tootie kind of year for us.  Here are a few of the details of our year:

  • Father needs thumb surgery. Mother says the arthritis bump on his digit looks like a dog’s nose. Mother sees art in everything because she owns a paintbrush.
  • Mother recently heard about Jane Marie's new 3 Second Memory Club. She desperately wants to join but Father is concerned they might not accept her. He thinks she’s over qualified because she remembered the name of the club.
  • Father revealed his first pick-up line to Mother. “I’m wise beyond my leers.” Uncle Knuckle always did say Mother and Father were meant to be. Knuckles kin are very sensitive to matters of the heart.
  • Daughter would like to be a novelist or composer. She can’t spell or read music but she has the titles for her future projects all ready to go. Her first murder mystery will be about a serial slasher. She’ll call it By the Light of the Slivery Moon. She also wants to do a Broadway musical about the life of Attila the Hun and call it Night and Day, You are the Hun. She’s so excited to get started, she’s already got a pad, a pencil and a kazoo. Talk about ambitious! 
  • Mother entered her framed painted doll faces in the local fair. She didn’t win but the sheriff in town wants to hire her as a sketch artist. He says her dolls look like fugitives. Father is telling his friends they can get  free portraits if they rob banks. Mother is concerned. She’s afraid she’ll get carpal tunnel if she develops a clientele.
  • Spew, our vomiting cat, licks the toilet bowl brush to clean his tongue. Father considered doing this until he realized the brush was too big for his mouth.
  • Son-in-law washed his car.  He also found his phone.
  • Mother massages her feet by rolling them back and forth over marbles in a shoebox. Mother is a health nut, you know.
  • Uncle Knuckle went to the store by himself.
  • Daughter is in training to run her first marathon. Father thinks that’s silly. He can get there faster by car.
  • Father had emergency back surgery. Don’t worry. He is able to walk -- almost. He still needs crutches. Mother has hired a carpenter to secretly shorten each crutch tip an inch per day. Her goal is for him to stop relying on the crutches. Father, however, thinks he’s getting shorter. By next week, he’ll be crawling. He’s fine with it though. He’s sure he’s somehow found the Fountain of Yutes. Oh, Father is also planning his 152th birthday party.
  • It rained.
    Happy New Year from Amelia Island, Florida!

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