December 22, 2014

2014 Annual Christmas Letter

                       MERRY CHRISTMAS

Dear Friends,

It is the last month of the year and that means it's time to alert you to some of the more important happenings that occurred in our family in 2014. Here we go!

Mother has legally adopted the metal letter opener she found.  Its tip is crooked, but it will still slice open an envelope. Mother always says no one and nothing should be rejected just because it looks funny.  That’s why she married Father.

Father’s circulation in his feet is poor.  One good thing about it is that he needn’t buy dress socks any more since it looks like he’s always wearing dark blue socks anyway.  With no socks, he has no need for a sock drawer.  Instead, he stores his once-used toothpicks there until he needs them again.

Daughter played the angel in the Christmas pageant. She locked her knees, fell out of the tree and rolled down the hill.  She’s glad she knows what to expect next year.

The wind blew.

Father smells the lunch meat to see if it is still eatable.  They haven’t had to pump his stomach since Tuesday, now that his sinuses have cleared from his head cold.

Mother got one of those new smart phones.  She isn’t impressed.  Each time she asks it to cook dinner, it refuses.  And it won’t even respond when she tells it to sweep the floor.

Cousin Oily learned to play the canjo with his nose.  Because his instrument has only one string and he has ten fingers, he did the math and  reasoned using one nose would be less confusing.   Oh, he has been doing the family taxes for free these last three years, too!  Father will return the call to the IRS once the holidays are over.

Grandbaby Girl can ride a bike now, although she will only ride in the driveway because she’s scared of traffic. She is wearing a groove in the pavement. That’s okay. It makes for better drainage when the hurricanes hit.

Our potatoes have grown eyes.

There are naked footprints on the beach!             

Uncle Monkey doesn’t look like a chimp anymore since they shaved his back and made him wear clothes.

Until next year!

PS    Super Popular Post Santa Paintbrush Ornament

No comments:

Post a Comment