Our 2020 Annual Letter to All

      Once again, it's that time of year to greet you from sometimes sunny, sometimes cloudy Fernandina Beach, Amelia Island, Florida. This is where we offer family highlights of the past year. May you find more pleasure than we did as you digest our happenings.  Here goes:

And that's our news. Anyway, have a wonderful  2021 and may it offer a few more delights to share.

Much love to the world,

Jane Marie 

P.S.  I almost forgot.  Mother cut Father's hair in the parking lot during an oil change and, one day, we all watched Father's toenails grow.

2019 Annual Letter

Hello to all our fine and semi-fine friends out there,

     Yes, it’s time for our annual Gracious Jane Marie newsletter, where we dispense the always elegant and dignified events of our past year. We thought we might highlight some random conversations for you. Let us begin. 

Daughter to Mother first thing Thanksgiving morning as they prepared what was a delightfully delicious meal:  Where is that 2-cup glass measuring cup of yours?

Mother to Daughter:  Found it.  Your father’s teeth are floating in it.

Mother-in-Law to Son-in-Law:  Did you sleep well?

Son-in-Law to Mother-in-Law:  Yes, ma’am, except for the cat viciously guarding the front bathroom in the middle of the night, making me have to pee outside, all was well. But our visit here isn’t over yet.

Uncle Tree Bark:  Nothing better than an outdoor wee.  It’s good for the soul.

Uncle Crumb:  Keep them bulletins coming

Granddaughter:  Ooh!  What is that noise?

Grandmother:  That’s the sound of the cat vomiting.  Remember House Rule #27 which clearly states the following:  He who hears it, finds it or steps in it, must clean it up. 

Mother to Father:  Did you eat the last of the Cool Whip?  I was saving that.

Father: For what?  There was only enough to cover a gnat’s kneecap. Besides, the dog needed a new water bowl because he chewed that hold in the old one. So, there you go.  Thank you very much.

Brother at breakfast:  Where’s the toaster?

Sister:   We’ll be serving pop tarts from the floor.  If you’d ever lift a finger to help in the kitchen, you’d know we ran out of counter space.

Brother: Hey, I took the trash out last Christmas, so I don’t wanna hear it.

Grandmother:  Well, when I was in first grade, the little boy next door used to eat worms.  I thought that was a bit strange back then.
Granddaughter to Grandmother:  That’s still strange, Gramma.  

Mother: Aunt Flags used to eat dog biscuits, but only when they were buy one, get one free.  She didn’t want to deprive her animals, so she had her own box.

Aunt Flags: Yes, my preference was the Milkbone brand.

Son: Sister’s boyfriend in third grade licked rocks.  I saw him.

Father: That was then. Your sister broke up with him. I pride myself on the good  sense my children inherited from me.  Now, please pass the horseradish and Tabasco.  Badly burning my tongue and sinuses is all part of my newly devised diet plan.

Mother to Daughter: Please help hold the dog while I clean his fur. I don't know what he ate, but it upset his tum-tum and he has some stinky on him.
Daughter to Mother: No way!  I don't want to get that nasty stuff on my shirt. 
Mother to Daughter: Well then, would you at least take your freshly washed white comforter we got you, you spoiled small child, and put it in the dryer?
Daughter to Mother: Oh, alright. MOM!!!! My comforter is ruined. It's pink!  And there's Brother's red sweatshirt in the bottom of the washer!  He did that on purpose.
Mother to Daughter:  I don't know that he's bright enough to realize the red shirt would bleed.  He just wanted to wash his new shirt, same as you did your new comforter. You know that thing about what goes around, ...? Enjoy your new pink comforter.  Love you, honey.

And that's just a small sample of what went on at our house this past year.

Discovered the morning after our family reunion

We hope your year was as exhilarating as ours!

Much love and caring from Gracious Jane Marie and her Characters and Critters on Amelia Island, Florida (then, now and the time to come)

2018 Christmas Letter

a few of our stylish and talented family members, 

each more lovely than the other 

Dear Friends and Others to whom we want to brag about our outstanding

2018,

   

     As you well remember, this letter has become an annual ritual from our cozy seaside home in Fernandina Beach on Amelia Island, Florida.  Here we share activities, memorable quotations, anything we deem worthy and, boy howdy, are we full of worthy!  We begin:

Too many candidates are always running for election. Father  has a system all his own to pick one.  He is a graduate of E-bub's School of Feather Fluffing, so the family appreciates his wisdom. 

Miss Dental Flosser, the beauty queen, has crusty elbows and small feet. 

The olive oil turned rancid.

August 9th was on a Thursday.

Pink is a favorite color.

The librarian didn't do it.

Cousin Irk likes his toilet paper without splinters.

Mother got a new car and has doused it with perfume.  She feels they should give a discount for that dreadful new car smell.

A pillow is on the couch.

There are no spiders in the corner cupboard, but that can't be verified until Uncle Fug puts his hand in there.

Nasalin Fection warned she will never stay at a house with crooked tinsel.

It rained.  Then, it stopped.

Aunt Notsomuch said every hand should have five fingernails.  She can be most unreasonable.


"You got the wrong kind of pie."

Uncle Ree Moat had to quit his tree climbing job because he got his first pedicure and they sawed off his only means of getting up trunks.

Someone struck the middle C key on the piano.  The case is still under investigation.

The cat sniffed the celery a second time.

Mother buried some hair.

The TV tilts forward so the best seat in the house is on the floor. 

Seven and three is seventy-three.  Sister's detention is paying off.

There is more pepper than salt in the shakes.  Father is considering small claims court. 

Sister said her birthday present was hard to unwrap because it had too much tape on it. After a family meeting was called, a quorum of the group agreed to limit one roll of tape per gift. 

Someone should cut the grass.

Once again, we hope you all enjoyed our newsy letter.  Until next year, brush your teeth!

Hugs and Blisses

 from

 Amelia Island 

and

 May Good Times be Yours 
During the Holidays!
(and the rest of your days, too)