December 20, 2019

2019 Annual Letter

Hello to all our fine and semi-fine friends out there,

     Yes, it’s time for our annual Gracious Jane Marie newsletter, where we dispense the always elegant and dignified events of our past year. We thought we might highlight some random conversations for you. Let us begin. 

Daughter to Mother first thing Thanksgiving morning as they prepared what was a delightfully delicious meal:  Where is that 2-cup glass measuring cup of yours?
Mother to Daughter:  Found it.  Your father’s teeth are floating in it.

Mother-in-Law to Son-in-Law:  Did you sleep well?
Son-in-Law to Mother-in-Law:  Yes, ma’am, except for the cat viciously guarding the front bathroom in the middle of the night, making me have to pee outside, all was well. But our visit here isn’t over yet.

Uncle Tree Bark:  Nothing better than an outdoor wee.  It’s good for the soul.

Uncle Crumb:  Keep them bulletins coming

Granddaughter:  Ooh!  What is that noise?
Grandmother:  That’s the sound of the cat vomiting.  Remember House Rule #27 which clearly states the following:  He who hears it, finds it or steps in it, must clean it up. 

Mother to Father:  Did you eat the last of the Cool Whip?  I was saving that.
Father: For what?  There was only enough to cover a gnat’s kneecap. Besides, the dog needed a new water bowl because he chewed that hold in the old one. So, there you go.  Thank you very much.

Brother at breakfast:  Where’s the toaster?
Sister:   We’ll be serving pop tarts from the floor.  If you’d ever lift a finger to help in the kitchen, you’d know we ran out of counter space.
Brother: Hey, I took the trash out last Christmas, so I don’t wanna hear it.

Grandmother:  Well, when I was in first grade, the little boy next door used to eat worms.  I thought that was a bit strange back then.
Granddaughter to Grandmother:  That’s still strange, Gramma.  
Mother: Aunt Flags used to eat dog biscuits, but only when they were buy one, get one free.  She didn’t want to deprive her animals, so she had her own box.
Aunt Flags: Yes, my preference was the Milkbone brand.
Son: Sister’s boyfriend in third grade licked rocks.  I saw him.
Father: That was then. Your sister broke up with him. I pride myself on the good  sense my children inherited from me.  Now, please pass the horseradish and Tabasco.  Badly burning my tongue and sinuses is all part of my newly devised diet plan.

Mother to Daughter: Please help hold the dog while I clean his fur. I don't know what he ate, but it upset his tum-tum and he has some stinky on him.
Daughter to Mother: No way!  I don't want to get that nasty stuff on my shirt. 
Mother to Daughter: Well then, would you at least take your freshly washed white comforter we got you, you spoiled small child, and put it in the dryer?
Daughter to Mother: Oh, alright. MOM!!!! My comforter is ruined. It's pink!  And there's Brother's red sweatshirt in the bottom of the washer!  He did that on purpose.
Mother to Daughter:  I don't know that he's bright enough to realize the red shirt would bleed.  He just wanted to wash his new shirt, same as you did your new comforter. You know that thing about what goes around, ...? Enjoy your new pink comforter.  Love you, honey.

And that's just a small sample of what went on at our house this past year.

Discovered the morning after our family reunion
We hope your year was as exhilarating as ours!

Much love and caring from Gracious Jane Marie and her Characters and Critters on Amelia Island, Florida (then, now and the time to come)

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