The New TV

Our television in the front parlor died. (I note that reading the words television and parlor in the same sentence might seem a bit odd, but then you don't live at Stately Martha Manor  where the odd is usual and the usual odd...) Bruce, my husband, and I manhandled the ridiculously heavy old TV to the floor from the antique gramophone cabinet on which it sat. No casualties here. We didn't even crack the tile. Being the brainiac I am, I suggested we slide the hand truck beneath it. I'm mechanically inclined, as you can tell. We maneuvered it through, between and around the couch and Queen Ann easy chair, over two thresholds, various fringed throw rugs and the cracks in the driveway, with me following in a crouched position, ready to TRY and catch it should it slide off the dolly. I worried that being bent over like that might leave me in a  permanent crouch, but hey, the things we do so as not to miss an episode of Green Acres (GA) reruns and our fav, Arnold Ziffel, the pig. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=598dqo89yZk&NR=1  


After much research on my part, we got a new bigger, flat screen TV. It only took Bruce one hour and twenty-seven minutes to figure out how to assemble the stand - and that was without reading the directions! It was a proud moment in the Malcolm family. He came away with just one gouged finger from the pointy end of the screwdriver, too. So there we were. Well past midnight, his bleeding stopped, when we guessed we must need a new cable box of some sort to hook up the HD feature because none of the color coded or pronged pluggy-plugs matched up. Next morning, Brucie called the satellite company and, yuppers, they agreed to come out for a fee, naturally. They were kind enough to put us on their schedule some 10 days later, any time between 8 am to 5 pm. That's a long time without our GA fix.

Then I had another brainstorm. We sometimes watch the evening news while dining. (Shh- don't tell anyone that part because being gracious means one should converse over dinner rather than hear the troubles of the day. Such info may interfere with one's digestion.)  I set up our 1950s TV trays in our galley kitchen. Some folks might call it cramped what with Bruce being behind me while I sacrificed myself to the position in front of the hot oven. No worries. "Pepper?" I asked. "Yes, please," he replied. I gingerly reached to the top of the stove without rising and hand it to him. "May I have a spoon?" I inquire of him. "Certainly, my dear," and he opened the silverware drawer, 2 inches from his elbow. The convenience far out-weighed the leg cramps, but we were able to watch the news on the 4 inch screen we have in our kitchen. Occasionally, Bruce would pull out the binoculars, being farthest away, but heck, I was the one sweatin' bullets, wasn’t I.

Mmmmmm. I return to my gracious self once again. All that said, we will attempt the hook-up of our VCR/DVD, yes, I said VCR/DVD player once the satellite guy comes. Remember, baby steps, people, baby steps as we advance in our electronic adventure. What's next? TVs in 3D????

PS This blog entry is pinkish in honor of Arnold. oink oink!  

PPS We think Arnold and our very own Swiney, featured player in our Goodbye Lie Tribute, http://www.greenlightwrite.com/prosebeforeswine.html, may be related, but we're not quite sure.  We're still working on the family tree.